Day 30 of 30

FINALLY FINISHED.

As opposed to my favourite song, here is a random song I like by someone you haven't heard of.

XV - This Shit Here, probably not my favourite, but such a banger.

Day 29 of 30

In this past month, what have I learned.

Hrm.

?

Day 28 of 30

Oh well, I couldn't do one a day, but I will finish it today.

A picture of me from last year, and how I've changed since then.

I'll just post a bunch, since this time last year, I've got 2 new tattoos, but otherwise I look fairly similiar. Or exactly the same, whatever!

Day 27 of 30

Why am I doing this?

I started doing this because my girlfriend, Alice (@niceties) did. I started out really good about doing it every day but now, well, I am not. I don't know anymore, guess I wanted a new blog that isn't full of old embarassing crap.

Day 26 of 30

My friends...

I don't really know that many people anymore. I'm not close with my high school friends, and didn't really get a chance to make good university friends. I was pretty fake in High School in some ways so a lot of those friends I'm not too gutted to no longer see. The friends who are still my friends however, are pretty awesome.

Day 25 of 30

What you would find in my bag... or my pockets... or on me.

Zippo, BOY London Watch, Ray Bans, Pall Mall Menthols, CK wallet, iPhone.

Day 24 of 30

I did this before, on Twitter. It was lovely.

Day 23 of 30

Once again, I can't keep up doing it once per day. Oh well.

Something I crave for a lot.

Hrm.

When I'm at work, Cigarettes. All the time, KFC. I wish it wasn't on the opposite side of town from where I live and work, so annoying.

Day 22 of 30

What makes me different from everybody else?

Instead of brushing this off as a "I'm not up myself so I won't answer it" kind of question, I will at least say what I think about myself.

I'm not different than anyone else by being great at any one thing. In fact I'm not so much "good" at any thing, even though I'm interested in almost everything. I think that maybe what makes me different from some, at least. For example, there's no one genre of music I'm interested in listening too. I can and do, like almost everything. But instead of just being versatile in music that I like, I apply that to other things. I like sports, I like art, I like video games. You'd be more pressed to find things I don't like than things I do.

But that's really as much as I have. Just how different can a non-talented 21 year old failing student who works part time at a video game store be?

Day 21 of 30

A picture of something that makes me happy...

Even though this picture was taken in the middle of a storm, while I was drenched, and not feeling very great (and listening to Brand New, hah), Wellington makes me happy. Cold, Grey, Windy, so be it. I love this city.

Day 20 of 30

Someone I see myself marrying or being with the future.

This is a pretty shit prompt. To simplify, I see myself with Alice, for at least the foreseeable future. That's all that matters.

Day 19 of 30

Nicknames?

Urgh. None really.

Day 18 of 30

Dreams, Goals, Plans...

Dreams? Live in New York City, work in the clothing industry. Season tickets to the Knicks/Nets, and Giants/Jets.

Goals? Visit America, L.A., NYC, Miami, Las Vegas specifically. Visit Japan. Get paid over $100k a year. Move to America.

Plans? Survive the summer, money is going to be a bitch.

Day 17 of 30

I'm getting SO bad at this, however.

Day 17 of 30; Someone I'd want to switch lives with for a day.

Shit, uh. Probably Ed Westwick, haha. Singer, Actor, British, living in New York, hanging out with Leighton Meester, yeah, sounds like one of those good problems. Get it?

Day 16 of 30

Another picture of me, borrrrring. But this probably the best photo ever taken of me ever.

Day 15 of 30

The first 10 songs my iPhone plays on shuffle, eek.

1. Nelly - Flap Your Wings
2. Biggie - Get Money
3. Tupac - When I Get Free
4. XV - The Bizness
5. The Game - Better On The Other Side
6. The Game - Let's Ride
7. Black Thought - Mona Lisa
8. Kanye West - Changing Lanes
9. XV - La, La, La
10. Biggie - Ten Crack Commandments

haha. I'm not sure if that's good or bad, oh well!

NZism Nationals 2010

Now that I have a blog, it's probably about time I posted a summary about my trip to Auckland last month for the NZism (New Zealands Fighting Game Community) Nationals.

I was considering making a seperate blog for this kind of thing, I even came up with a really clever name for it... but oh well, this'll just be easier for everyone (read: me).

On Friday the 20th of August I traveled up to Auckland to compete in this

I had entered Super Street Fighter IV, and Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike. I wasn't very confident at all in IV as I don't play it even though it's the big shiny new game on the block. However I play 3rd Strike alllllllllll the time, and have done for years. I wouldn't say I was "confident", because I'd heard some amazing things about a couple of guys in Auckland, but I would've been very disapointed if I didn't at least do OK. The last tournament I entered, I traveled down to Christchurch for on the 12th of June. I placed 1st in that, fairly easily, however there were no "dedicated" 3rd Strike players (shoutouts to ChCh though for a great time and some good, fun games). So as the South Island 3rd Strike Champion, I was riding that high a little bit!

Anyhow. I left Wellington Friday afternoon with almost next to no money ($20), and 2 Taxi-Chits. After a fairly non-eventful flight (I did play the Air NZ quiz though!), I got to Auckland at about 5pm and hopped in a cab. It was pissing down, and the road was fairly busy being a Friday night and all. I got dropped off in town, to the wrong Hotel, first of all. This was my fault, but at this stage I should've realised things would get worse. I made my way down to my Hotel, only to find out I needed to put down a $50 security deposit, or $100 in cash. And couldn't. Oh my fucking god... After 30 minutes of trying to call my parents, and tweeting for help in desperation, I gave up and made my way to Giga Internet Cafe where a bunch of the guys were meeting up for some pre-tournament games, and Ben (muice/moose) from Wellington who had also traveled up, were. I couldn't bring myself to play because I was hella stressed, and he didn't have a credit card to help me out with. Finally Phoebe (@phoeberuby) offered to help me out and I went and met her and Dylan (the 2nd most famous Dylan Moran, @dylanmoran) back at my Hotel. After we sorted that out, THANK FUCK, a huge load of stress was off my shoulders.

I wandered back up to Giga, settled down and got a few games in. I played pretty shit, and was honestly a little worried about how badly I was playing, and how shit my stick was, but I was determined to have a good time. After most everyone left Giga, a few of us went out and got Wendys at about 12am. Oh my godddddd... Wendys is top fucking tier, seriously. We had a pretty big discussion about the state of the NZ FGC (Fighting Game Community) and how to make it bigger, then all headed off our seperate ways. After all the stress, a hot shower and a good sleep was something I was really looking forward too.

Outside GIGA looking back towards the city, on the Friday night. (Skytower omg)

Saturday morning I got up really early, was relieved to see money in back account so I went down Queen St and got Wendys for breakfast... haha. Couldn't help myself. (2 meals in a row there, so far) Eventually I headed back to Giga to check in and register for the days tournaments. I was feeling a little nervous, and finding out 3rd Strike wasn't until later on definitely didn't help my nerves but meeting a bunch of people and talking was really calming. Not too much later I played my first game for Super SF4, and I got smashed. Hah. Oh well, off to the Losers bracket I go. My second game came quickly afterwards, and it was pretty much the same story. I wasn't that surprised, I did get put up against good players, but it was also refreshing to know I couldn't scrape past good players when I don't even play the game and am relying on fundamentals from another game.

3rd Strike finally started to get going, but I didn't play for a LONG time. I hadn't even played casuals all morning so I was really nervous, especially after how I'd done on Friday night. My first game finally got called, and for the first time in months I tried to use my custom built stick. Terrible terrible terrible idea. The guy I was playing is a decent SF4 player, and I'm sure good at other games, but he really isn't anything special at 3rd Strike. However I played like an idiot, ate a lot of dumb shit and struggled with my execution. I really didn't expect to lose my first game, and I did. Off the bat into the Losers Bracket, I couldn't have been any more gutted. There'll be plenty of angry tweets that back up how I felt haha. Eventually Ben played his first game, and the same thing happened to him. I felt a little better about this, not because I wanted Ben to do badly, but because I knew that we were both feeling it and if that was the case we could both get over it.

After a very nervous wait for my next game, that finally got called. I don't really remember who I played this round, I think possibly IronSOL, an Alex player. I won 2-0 and despite feeling like I played pretty shit, it was an amazing feeling to have won and definitely a momentum shifter for me. My 3rd game, pretty much the same story. I don't think this guy played 3rd Strike at all, another 2-0 win, and I was feeling a lot better about my chances. My 4th game was against Mason(his handle is some terrible play on Messiah with numbers instead of letters etc), who is definitely not a 3rd Strike player but has pretty good execution. I beat his Akuma, and then he changed to Chun-Li who is one of the 2 best characters in the game. She's always dangerous, and hard for almost every character to fight against. I won that game as well, despite playing like an idiot, so another 2-0 win.

After that game, the tournament had definitely started to thin out, and the players remaining were genuine 3rd Strike players so the competition definitely got harder. Ben was having much the same results as me, and that was great to see. Patrick, another Wellington player who had come up, was also doing quite well, narrowly losing to Kevin (Devilstar), one of the reputed best players in Auckland. He was still in the Losers bracket though, so Wellington was still in it!

My 5th game was against Auckland Ben (toomeke) who I'd played online once, and a few times on Friday night. He's recently gotten into 3s and we'd talked about it a lot on the NZism chat room. He destroyed me both when he played online, and most of the games on Friday night, so I was a little worried to be up against him, but the way I look at tournament brackets is regardless of where you meet the good players, you have to beat them to place. I didn't play fantastic, but played well enough to scrape him 2 games to nothing. After playing him a bit, generally being quite use to playing against a Dudley (the character he uses), and certain aspects of the matchup between Dudley and Urien being in Uriens favour, I think I'd got a read on him. Shoutouts to Auckland Ben though, he's a bonafide beast and I hope I get to play him more soon.

After that win, I was told that if I won my next game I'd be in the Top 4 and playing on Sunday. I wish I hadn't been told that, it made me fucking nervous. Ben played Patrick, a little Welly showdown, and managed to beat him in the strangest most scrubby, fucked up end to a match I've ever seen, but props to Ben. Patrick has been to the guy to beat forever in 3rd Strike in Wellington and Ben finally did it in a tournament. After that though, to make the other Top 4 spot in the Losers bracket, Ben had to play Simon (Simonfish), the other reputed great Auckland Player. He lost, hah, but it was nothing to be ashamed of. I was a bit gutted to see Ben get knocked out of the tournament, but happy he did so well, and to lose to the guy that eventually won it is nothing to scoff at.

My next match, and last for the day, finally came up. I was playing Simon (CrazyMobius), who I didn't really know about but had watched him play earlier in the day and was pretty impressed. He played Hugo, who just mindfucks me. Seriously fuck that character haha. Anyhow, I played very conservative and respectful, and beat his Hugo. He changed to Alex, which I have to admit in hindsight wasn't smart, because I'm not afraid of Alex, but of course he didn't know that then, and wanted to try his luck and see what happened (I made this same mistake later, as you will ALLLLLL see:|) I beat his Alex as well, winning my 4th straight match 2-0 and qualifying for Top 4 on Sunday! (albeit in the losers bracket)

Images from the tournament on Sunday featuring Ben (Rangers cap), Patrick (goatee), Simon (glasses), and me a little bit!

After that, Saturday was mostly a wind day, with more Wendys (3 straight meals), a trip to Yifans arcade to check it out, and wow. It's like a REAL arcade.

This entire row, ALL fighting games. AMAZE.

Then I had an early night watching the League in bed, I wanted some rest because even though the other people in Top 4 were beasts, and I would have no chance against, I didn't want to believe that would be the case.

Sunday morning, I woke up late, hah. Had a cold shower, and checked out of my Hotel. Even though I woke up late, I still got to the tournament well before it started, and 3rd Strike wasn't even the first game. I was really nervous all morning because the top 4 was going to be on a projector for everyone to see. One of the other guys in top 4, Frankie, who had played with Kevin and Simon for years, offered to shout me lunch, so we headed out for a feed before the tournament started back up. It was awesome getting to know him a little bit, and he's definitely a major beast at 3rd Strike. After countless cigarettes and trying to get advice from everyone I could, my game finally came up.





And as you can see, I got beasted:| It was a little bit embarassing, but nobody expected me to touch Simon, and to be honest, I didn't really. Looking back at that, I see a lot of things I could've done better, so next time I hope to improve. He's an all around better player than me, and Kevin also plays Urien, so he has no inexperience in that matchup what-so-ever, which really doesn't help.

After the rest of the 3rd Strike Finals played through, which were pretty exciting, the results looked like this:

1. Simon (Simonfish)
2. Frankie
3. Kevin (Devilstar
4. Me (chuckk)
5. Ben (muice/moose) and Simon (Crazymobius)
6. -
7. Ben (toomeke) and Patrick (paddy23456)

Overall, I'm pretty fucking happy with that. I would love to have stayed in Winners bracket the whole time, but after losing my first game and being on the verge of elimination the rest of the way, I couldn't have done much better. Even though 3rd Strike is dying here (and most everywhere else outside of Japan), I definitely intend to go up next year, and hopefully a couple times in between to get some games in with the guys from Auckland.

After staying for a few more hours once everything had wrapped up at Giga, I caught a cab out to the Airport, only to realise I didn't have enough cash for the bus ride home from the Airport in Wellington. Fuck I suck at travelling. Anyhow, by some miracle, the ATM gave me money I didn't have (shot National Bank and Credit Cards, stay free), I got the cash together, and hopped on the plane. Another uneventful bar the in-flight quiz flight, I arrived in Wellington. I walked out of the Airport... only to find out, the last bus left 30 minutes ago. Oh. Fuck.

I contemplated walking home hah, and instead opted to ask a Shuttle driver how much a shuttle was. $18. I had $10. Fuckkkk. I asked if they would take me as far as $10 would get me, and instead they dropped me off right in town! I survived Auckland, on the worst budget and planning ever (however I'm NEVER late to the Airport or to get on a plane, I'm 100% pro at doing that much), but I got through it all, and the retarded fuck ups made the trip more enjoyable... in the end, not so much during.

I'm sorry if this bored the shit out of you, but this is the biggest thing I've done all year, actually probably in a few years.

I'll leave you with a couple more 3rd Strike videos, one of me doing a hugeeee combo on Ben, the other between Ben and Tyler (another really good Wellington player) which just shows how much fun this game is, especially the social aspect.

Day 14 of 30

A picture of my family and I.

I've already posted one of my Mum and I from last year, so instead of rehashing that, here is a retardedly funny old picture... of my Mum and I.

That's a family friend on the left, my Mum in the middle, and me on the right. I'm fucking retarded, yo!

I promise I will try to get back to doing this daily, but a couple of the prompts I was coming up to were so boring I couldn't find the motivation for it.

Day 13 of 30

A letter to someone who has hurt me recently.

No one has.

So.

Pass.

Day 12 of 30

How I found out about blogging, and why I have one?

I suppose I "found out" about it in 2004ish, after a few online friends of mine started getting into it. So I eventually created one mostly because everybody else had one. I've blogged on that same blog from 2004 until this year, and still do. It's never been about anything specific, just my life, through all sorts of retarded and cringeworthy shit. But I have to admit it's nice to be able to look back at things in this way as I've never been one to keep a diary or anything like that.

Day 11 of 30

I feel behind:<

Oh well, Day 11 prompt is another pic of friends and I. I don't have one. So here is a photo of 2 dudes I play 3rd Strike with a lot.

Day 10 of 30

Song's I listen too when I'm happy, sad, bored, hyped and mad.

I suppose sad, would be stuff like;

Hrm, happy...















I don't really have 'bored' music. So, hyped;









And I don't think I have 'Mad' music. So that's pretty much it.

Day 9 of 30

Something I'm proud of in the last few days?

All I've done is work. So I guess I'm proud of working every day since last week sometime.

Day 8 of 30

Hrm, my short term goals for this month.

• Save some money.
• Maybe spend said saved money on an Xbox.
• Or a tattoo.
• Sort out what I'm doing after this Semester is over.
• Organise a trip to Auckland.
• Get ready to turn 22.

Nothing special really. Don't have the money to be special.

Day 7 of 30

Someone or something that has the biggest impact on me?

Well, my dad for one. There's no photo I have of him but it amazes me, through all the shit he has been through how he's always willing to drop anything to help me out.

And my mum too. She's always managed to provide for me even working full time while being a single parent. You can't ever repay shit like that. Here is a photo of her and I.

Lots of things have had a huge impact on me in different ways. I suppose those 2 would be the 'biggest'. But I'd like to continue with some other things too I guess.

As far as online goes, ever since I started getting involved in a community on the internet in like 2000-2001, I always looked up to one particular guy. He's on twitter now, @ukyotachibana. He's definitely my original 'international' mentor in Street Fighter. Without some of the basic shit he has taught me I wouldn't even still be playing. I think he's also responsible for me not being an idiot on the internet too!

This game (3rd Strike) has had a pretty big impact on me, hah. I've been playing it at home since like 2003. I've made a lot of friends playing this, and spent a lot of money on it hah. Fuck I've bought a Dreamcast for it, bought the Japanese version for PS2 on the internet, bought a Swap Disc pack to play it on PS2, and built 2 joysticks just to play it. Shit, and I have a gold card at Timezone ($500) spent just on this game. I'll probably play it forever, and I intend to travel to Australia, the West Coast of the USA and Japan at some point to play it haha. And even after all this time, I STILL see new things I've never seen before. The skill cap on this game is soooooo high.

Anyway.

Day 6 of 30

My favourite superhero.
Hmm.

Definitely Superman, I've got the logo and everything!

lol jks

Day 5 of 30

Somewhere I've been too.

Hrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I have no photos, but google will save me.

The post office/other stuff building in Ho Chi Minh city, Vietnam. I think this is it anyway. Was pretty fucking awesome I do have to say.

And Ha Long Bay. One of the natural wonders of the world. Went on a boat tour all around there, inside one of the caves on the islands, and up to a temple on the top of one. Amazing view, amazing everything.

Day 4 of 30

Todays prompt is a habit I wish I didn't have.

I guess an obvious answer for that would be smoking but to be honest I don't really care right now.

I guess honestly, it would be turning down offers to go out etc and instead doing nothing at home. Everytime I do go out I have a pretty good time but always talk myself out of it before hand. Need to work on that.

Day 3 of 30

Todays prompt is a picture of me and my friends.

I don't really have many, and even fewer good ones. So here is me (mostly) drunk and looking fucking stupid, hah.

Not so drunk, just smilingish (ugh).

smitten.

wtf red wine.

really drunk at a friends 21st, look like a retard, go me.

Fuck day 3, hahaha.

P.S. I hate smiling.

Day 2 of 30

Day 2's prompt is simply the meaning behind my blog name, and really, that's very simple.

'You Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.' is the title of a Bright Eyes song, that when I first heard, really hit me.

and threeeighths well, when looking for a twitter name, I looked at hat, and the size was 7 3/8. Not very clever.

Here are the lyrics for You Will,

You say that I treat you like a book on a shelf

I don't take you out that often 'cause I know that I completed you and that's why you are here

That's the reason you stay here

How awful that must feel

You said you could be my dream I could have you every night

And if by morning, I'd forgotten you, well no big deal, that'd be alright

'Cause you're the reoccurring kind

You are the reoccurring kind

You never really leave my mind

Are you the love of my lifetime?

Cause there have been times I've had my doubts

We were just kids when I first kissed you in the attic of my parents house, and I wish we were there now

It took so long to figure out

What this book has been about

Now I write when I'm away, letters that you'll never read

You said go explore those other women, the geography of their bodies, but there's just one map you'll need

You're a boomerang you'll see

You will return to me

You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will.

You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You, you will.

'Cause if you don't, then this book is all lies

If you don't, then my plans would all be ruined

If you don't, I'll start drinking like the way I drank before

Oh, and I, I just won't have a future anymore.

I'm not sure if I like because I can draw similiarities to relationships of mine, which I can, however they vary some, in fact it kind of mashes together 3 very important people in my teenage years hah. So I guess it's the kind of relationship I wish I'd had. I'm not really sure what it is exactly, but regardless, I can happily leave it on repeat for hour after hour.

Day 1 of 30

Ok so day 1 is, a recent picture of me, and 15 facts about myself. Here goes.

1. I am a huge nerd.
2. I live in an apartment in the city (Wellington) with my girlfriend, Alice, cat, Wallace, and goldfish, Farmville.
3. I have been overseas to Australia, Fiji, Singapore, and Vietnam.
4. I'm in my "4th" year at University.
5. I've studied at both Canterbury university and Victoria.
6. I recently placed 4th at a National tournament for Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike, and 1st place in the South Island Regional tournament.
7. I love America.
8. I played Basketball in high school.
9. Scarface is favourite movie, followed by Batman, Rocky Horror, Memento and maybe others.
10. I was Dux of my Primary school (Martinborough) in 2001.
11. I work at EB games, part time.
12. I watched the Harlem Globetrotters play live when I was little.
13. I am a sucker for expensive labels, and shoes.
14. I have a Batman logo tattoo'd on my chest.
15. I wish I was musical.

30 days of me

Everybody else is doing it, and I have nothing else to write about, so I will succumb.

day 1- recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
day 2- the meaning behind your blog name
day 3- a picture of you and your friends
day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have
day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been to
day 6- favorite superhero and why
day 7- a picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
day 8- short term goals for this month and why
day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days
day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad
day 11- another picture of you and your friends
day 12- how you found out about blogging, and why you have one
day 13- a letter to someone who has hurt you recently
day 14- a picture of you and your family
day 15- put you ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
day 16- another picture of yourself
day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have
day 19- nicknames you have and why you have them
day 20- someone you see yourself marrying or being with in the future
day 21- a picture of something that makes you happy
day 22- what makes you different from everyone else
day 23- something you crave for a lot
day 24- a letter to your parents
day 25- what I would find in your bag
day 26- what do you think about your friends
day 27- why are you doing this 30 day challenge
day 28- a picture of you from last year and now, how have you changed since then?
day 29- in this past month, what have you learned
day 30- your favorite song

This is my life.

Reblogged from my er, private blog. Posted there on the 5th of August at 2am.

It's one of those nights.
I was tired, but going to bed only causes me to lie awake thinking.

It's THAT time again. University has started, and I have let myself down.
But feeling sorry for myself hasn't helped thus far, so I'm going to give that one a miss this time around. I do however feel guilty. I'm letting people around me down. It's OK though, it's for the best.

I've finally learnt my lesson, I can't fool myself any more. Studying something I can't be engaged in is just not worth it. I like History, I think it's hugely important, and very interesting, but it just isn't something I can study under pressure like this, it's just not something I love. I don't come to it, I don't bury my head in History texts. And without that, I just can not be successful at it. When I realised this, I came to conclude what things I DO love. I've said this before most likely, if not, I've certainly thought it. The things I believe I could study, maintain composure, go above and beyond the workload, and enjoy every moment of it, are;
Music, Fashion, and while this seems stupid, Street Fighter. These are the 3 things that are constantly on my mind, playing through my head like a (it took me about 10 minutes to remember(re; google) what this word was) MONTAGE, of all the good albeit unlikely things that'd happen if I did one of those things seriously.

I can't take them seriously though, let's be honest for a minute here.
Let's start with Music. I can't study music. I have no technical knowledge at all. Studying music in school would've been a really good idea now, looking back. And I have no natural talent or useful skills. Can't play an instrument etc.

Fashion. Hah. Once again, no talent, skills, or technical knowledge. Studying it? I don't know. I think I could dive straight in and figure things out though. I know that doesn't sound smart, but obviously I wouldn't just jump in head first. But I think as a consumer who LOVES brands, I can put that knowledge to good use on the other side of the equation. It's all a silly pipe dream, but maybe not, y'know? Worst I could do is fail. And I would never regret that.

Last, and clearly least, Street Fighter. I really do love it. I could study it, in far more depth than anything I've tried to at University. But it just isn't an option. I'm not 14 anymore, I can't keep thinking it's worth the time I put in.

And that's where I'm at. The worst part is I can't help thinking of how little I've changed since this blog started in... 2003? (too lazy to check) I mean sure, I can smoke Cigarettes (and do), I can drink Alcohol (and do, occasionally), I work part time, and I can have sex, but still, I waste too much time playing Video Games, and I still have no goals. And this post, hah, it's pretty similiar to some things from then. Less whiny, and more advanced gramatically (I hope). But oh well, it's not all bad.

If I could however, just get a little bit sorry for myself, I would like to talk about a friend.
He always says, "ahhh my life is so bad, fuck this, it's so shit." Yeah I say that too, hah. I promise this is a real person, and not just me pretending to have a friend. Anyway, this friend. Since I first met him in 2007, he's been talking about moving away to get this oppurtunity to intern somewhere he loves, doing something he loves. And I've always been like, "oh cool.", and never really thought too much about it. But now lo and behold, it's come true. His hard work, and dilligent efforts through social media websites have paid off, and his dream is coming true. I'm really really happy for him. Sure it'll mean he's moving away, but honestly whatever. I'd be a terrible friend to care about that even a little bit compared being happy about the oppurtunity he is finally getting. Anyhow, the reason I mention this is because of how he always use to complain about life, but ALWAYS had this goal. And sure, it seemed unlikely, but it worked out. I want that.

I want that.

I don't think I'm being too greedy though. I'd be happy with the goal. I just want something to work for. A light at the end of the tunnel, regardless of how long that tunnel is, or even if the end doesn't exist. I just want to feel like I have a reason for living through another year. It's OK. I'm sure I will one day. I've just been so lost ever since I was 17. As soon as it became reality that school would finally end, I've been so, so lost. The worst part is that I finished school in 2006.

And it's now 2010. I moved to Wellington, was single, tried uni, got a tattoo, dropped out, worked a full time job, got back with my high school girlfriend, got beaten up, quit my job, moved back home to my parents, moved to a different island to be with my girlfriend, started uni again, finished a year of uni, moved back home, started uni again, tried a long distance relationship, broke up, failed at uni, moved back home, got together with my current girlfriend, moved in with her, and started uni again.

I've tried uni 4 times, had 2 serious relationships, moved 7 times, worked 4 jobs, gotten 3 tattoos, but, I've learnt nothing. NOTHING has changed. What life experiences do I NEED to have for it to 'click'? Does it ever 'click' for some people? If it doesn't 'click', what do you do? Does no 'click' guarantee an unhappy and unfulfilled life?

Is there an instruction manual for growing up? There are one's for raising kids, so surely there must be. Is there an app for that? Just kidding. Can I blame it on my generation? I'm just part of some generation of underachievers who've had readily available access to everything they could ever need and barely have to work for anything, so society must be to blame for my easy ride. I'm not really going to suggest that's the case. My friend is a perfect example of that being false. He has worked, worked, worked, through all the shit, for 3 years, and now he is enjoying his reward. It's his turn. I'm patient, I can wait my turn. What keeps me up at night is not knowing if it will ever be my turn.